December rolls in

Now is the last month of the year 2005. And I have become someone who is an in-betweener. I am in between being hopeful and bitter. I am in between a romantic and cynic. I am in between calm and angry. I am in between stable and unstable.

November was a mess. I kept on getting sick, just like last year, which ranges from asthma to mild hypertension to gatrointestinal dysmotility. It is because of this I decided to file my resignation. If I keep on getting sick, I can't work properly.

So I filed my resgination to my new supervisor (yeah we changed coaches since our previous moody left the country and we ended up with a mild-mannered man) and he said NO. It was nice to be wanted but it got annoying eventually because no company has no right to stop their employees from resigning. Dammit, we have the right to resign you know. Be it a good employee or not if one wants to go, the company has to let that employee go.

So we reached a compromise. What happened was that my schedule wouuld be now changed from split shift to a regular shift. Effective? Today. I asked my supervisor three times if my schedule woudl be changed and he said it would. I spoke with the OM last week and said he would do so but when I saw my schedule last week I was livid. It was still on split shift and that is where I was being my pushy self and asked my supervisor three times about my schedule.

Then voila! I got the schedule I wanted. But this evening he told me that I can go in straight today. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?! That tomorrow I'm not going to?! Patayan na lang kaya tayo! Meaning why don't we kill each other already?! This is incosistent, dammit!

After an hour or so, I had a chat with my supervisor again and he said that if I have to be on straight shift permanently I may have to be moved to another team. I asked him if I can stay on his team until the end of this month, he said he'll have to speak to the Operations Manager (OM). I don't mind leaving the team but not right now.

I was asked if I wanted to come back to my old supervisor, I vehemently said no. I know they're best friends, but I have to be honest. I told him that I don't want to fight with him anymore. Nor do I want to go home angry. But then again he is the only person who had helped us so much in our lives at the expense of his health and reputation. Ayoko na mangyari ulit yun. He's done so much already.

But to who will I be assigned to? Most of the coaches I like are either gone or in another cluster. Who knows? I don't want to think about it anymore. Bahala na si Batman.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Ok so it's already October which is three months late to make a review about the latest Harry Potter book and to be honest with you, I wouldn't have cared. Except for several things:

1. I loved the book. The first Harry Potter I actually liked!
2. The way the book ended it made me speculate a few things especially about Severus Snape and his intentions.
3. I nearly cried (ok I did cry) while reading the chapter on Dumbledore's funeral. It was so solemn.
4. I've been going to http://mugglenet.com not only because of the updates regarding Goblet of Fire (and the pictures, which are awesome!) but to see what they thing about HBP. This already became a habit that my co-worker wanted to beat the crap out of me...this is of course an exaggeration.

Moving on...

I put on a reservation on HBP since February of 2005 not for me, but for my sister who is the one reading the Harry Potter books. I also wanted to make some of my colleagues who are fans of the book envious since the book itself is very expensive.

By July of this year, I got the book on an amazing discount...saving me almost 50% of the total cost. I was the one who read the book first before my sister and I wasn't able to put the book down until I reminded myself that I have to rest since I was going to work at that time.

The book itself is very good, first time I appreciated the series. Like the rest of the Harry Potter fans, I was shocked that Dumbledore was killed but not as shocked as to who did it. While Snape is not the nicest guy on earth, I didn't expect him to kill Dumbledore in cold blood. I guess he has to if he wants to save his and Draco's ass. There's the Unbreakable Vow to consider. He doesn't kill Dumbledore, he dies along with the entire Malfoy family.

Funny how some people feel sorry for Draco. I do in a way, but was relieved to see that he is capable of human feelings like fear and desperation.

I don't intend to analyze the book but I wanted to give my opinion on it. I've been seeing reading forums about Snape or the HBP and there is clearly a division between the Good Snape and the Bad Snape. Honestly, why would he make the Unbreakable Vow with Narcissa? Well for him to prove to Bellatrix that he is loyal to the Dark Lord, she's not exactly believing him and his reasons for not going back to the Dark Lord ASAP. Did Dumbledore know about this? Maybe. Ol' Dumby wouldn't know that Draco was trying to assassinate him for the entire year in Hogwarts if he had no idea unless he is omnipotent. He might've some information to know such things from someone who is constantly updating him on the happenings in Hogwarts.

Dumbledore's death and Snape's part of it was a shock and to some an outrage. Why him of all people? Was this something done to make Harry learn some sort of twisted lesson? Snape was revealed to be a double agent, for how long? Would the reason why Dumbledore gave Snape his absolute trust when eveyrbody else (like Harry, but that's biased) thinks he's going back to Voldemort when he comes back from the near dead.

Have you noticed a pattern of deaths here since book 4? Most of the ones who get killed off were the people closest to Harry. Ok, so Cedric and him are not exactly good friends, but they helped each other out during the Triwizard Tournament. Sirius of course is his godfather, the closest person he has for a family. Dumbledore was his mentor and confidante. I mean he first lost his godfather then his mentor...I wonder if either Ron or Hermione or worse Ginny would be killed in the 7th book? Maybe Draco...but that would be just wishful thinking.

Who knows? I can't wait for the last book.

first time at rehabilitative medicine

My shoulders decided to turn against me when they suddenly stiffened and developed a lump the size of Australia. I couldn't take it anymore and told my mother that I am going to have my shoulder fixed.

My mom suggested for me to go to her Physical Therapist, Hya. I did as she said and she even accompanied me to the clinic in one of the biggest laboratories in the city. It was Monday so a lot of people are at her office including an adorable 6 year old girl named Jana. Hya said we can come back after 30 minutes since she had just started treating a woman who had been ran over by an Elf truck.

Annoyed because I had to go to work after 5 hours, I accompanied my mother to the houseware area of the SM Department store to buy a shower curtain since she didn't like the one at home. Whoever heard of a fabric shower curtain?! It turned out to be fun.

When we got back to the clinic, the session began with electrocuting my shoulder...nah just kidding, Hya put some circular stuff on my shoulder that generates electricity to at least relax the muscles on my shoulders. Add hot compress to that and I was burning. Hya told me not to fall asleep on her, but I did. It was so relaxing.

Next was another set of hot compress and a massage so painful I didn't realize I was holding my breath. But it felt good though the pain still lingered.

My mom, meanwhile, was making friends with Janna who was also being treated for her leg problems. She's on rehab since age 1 due to the over stiffness of her muscles and she had 2 surgeries on her leg. Now at age 6 she can move both her legs but has yet to walk on her own. But I got to hand it to the kid, she is tough. Her rehab sessions are very strenous and painful that my mother said she ends up feeling sorry for the kid and telling Hya to at least be gentle with her. But this is rehabilitative medicine, nothing is gentle.

The treatment took an hour and it was spent on chatting with Hya and Janna. My mom was occasionally joining in. Actually my mom and Janna are the ones talking away and they're like grandma and grandchild. I find this little girl cute and adorable.

When it was done I felt more relaxed if a bit hurt in places I never knew existed only shoulders. Hya taught me some stretching exercises as well.

This will not be the last time I'm going to the Physical Therapist. How long I would be going, I do not know. My shoulders would never completely soften but at least it would reduce pain in my body particularly my headaches.

wel, well

What do you know? The guy cares. Sure he kind of reprimanded me for pulling up other websites. Well, actually he warned me about pulling up other websites while I'm on a call. Then punched my arm lightly like he always does.

Ha!

i'm so sick and tired of my life

Just as the subject implies, I am sick and tired of my life. If I could commit suicide right now I would, but I can't since I'm too scared inflict pain on myself and this is a mortal sin. But I can talk about death and on how I want to die. I wonder if I would be able to find the peace I needed in death than when I was in life.

Sometimes it is scary to die not waking up and seeing the sunshine, the rain, my family and friends.

I just feel this way because I'm so down right now. Everything sucks.

But death is not an excuse to run away. Besides what would that make me? A weak person and that would be the last thing I want to be called.

I'm just so frustrated right now I want to scream. Am I ready to move up or would I always stay down?! From my family to my friends they told me that God has something in store for me; something better.

Sure.

of cynicism and bitterness

I am beginning to realize that some things in life are not for me. It seems everyone is moving on nicely with their lives except me. Is this a joke? I wonder. Does God have a better plan for me that I'm too human to realize? I know there is always a bright side to everything but I also want results as well. Hmm, have I become an American?

Scary.

I don't know why I feel like I need to rush things in my life. It's like if I don't experience all of them at the same time, my life would be meaningless. Is it because I'm in my mid-20's? But I've been feeling like this since I turned 18 and that's already 7 years ago. I feel like I need to do everything before I die. Is this weird? Morbid? Rushed?

I'm so young yet I feel so old. Have I been this serious all my life?

Cynicism is something acquired not born. Bitterness is experienced not cultivated.

for irate agents

This is something my supervisor forwarded to the entire team. In the message, he asked if this was me. I do have a reputation as an irate agent in the team though someone has taken my throne as the most irate agent in the center. But my being irate has helped the team countless times in terms of perfomance.

It is a funny but morbid picture. For those with queasy stomachs don't bother to look at it.

limbo

I arrived in the office not looking forward to a night's work taking calls. At home, I felt dread at the prospect of coming to work in the first place. I confided one of my friends that for the nth time I wanted to quit my job. But I can't because I have a responsibility to fulfill.

I applied again for a promotion. This time I covered most of the bases and applied for three positions. I wonder if I will be accepted in one of them, let alone all three of them. Would I be lucky if that was the case?

I also wanted to fall in love, who wouldn't right? But I have yet to find a man who will sweep me off my feet...I wish. But I prefer to have both of my feet on the ground when I meet my ideal man (if there is such a man). And I prefer a friend to fall for instead of a complete stranger. What will happen anyway if I end up with a total stranger?

I wonder if it's really true that if you fall for your friend it would be very awkward. I don't know. Never been there. My teammates and coach were practically linking me with almost every guy I know. Well, actually they're just two of them. One I like a lot while the other one is just a coincidence. But it can be both annoying and flattering at the same time.

What am I going to do in this lifetime?

the fascinating world of love and all those crap

I've read one of my friend's blogs and I was laughing at the same time feeling extremely sorry for her. It is never easy to love someone then lose that person to somebody else in the name of holy matriomony. It would have been nice if that was not the case, but it was. This was something permanent. The vow "'Til death do us part." would apply as permanent.

Thinking about it as I was i the ladies' room, I realized that I was lucky. I am going through the same pain that my friend was but the differences were: one, he doesn't know what I feel towards him or if he does know he doesn't care. Why? Second he is taken. Semi-permanent relationship. Long duration type. Blast!

There was a time I cried myself to sleep because of this man, and I tried to live my life as if he didn't exist but it was never easy.

Then one night I decided to make a resolve to move on with my life without him. Not with him because that would never happen. Besides, as my best friend pointed out so bluntly this afternoon, I did not give my heart, body and soul to him. I never did. I just mourned for my inadequcies as a person and as a woman.

Second resolve is to love myself. Not bordering on selfish love but on a love that empwers me and makes me feel like a person and a woman. I'M A WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!

All I have given him is my friendship, which I am not sure if he has accepted it or not. If he does then that's fine, if he doesn't screw him, at least I tried.

I am moving on with out you sweetie!

August...new beginnings

Hay, it's already August 2005. 8th month of the year. The last month that does not end in -ber. Middle of the rainy season. Dengue fever season. The month names after the emperor Augustus. Whatever.

July ended horribly even if our team is number 1 and we're scared for August to be honest. Surveys are like the bogey man, coming out when you least expect it. We can't afford to fail right now since we've been doing well since May. We have to set an example in the entire company.

First day of August began badly with one of our teammates absent. Why? Fever due to lower back pain. She sent me an SMS in my mobile and I told her to come by even if she is in agony. She said she can't and will not come by tomorrow morning as well since she has to go to a therapist to treat her back.

Of course after telling this to my boss he exploded.

Nothing new there.

Anyhow, that was taken cared of, telling me not to let him do it again. Shoot the messenger already. He already lectured me for being abusive with his kindness. I know that he was being general because his principle was that any one of the team makes a mistake the entire group is affected.

why do I hate rest day overtime

Once again, the office asked us to do rest day overtime because we are so failing in service level, the company is paying the client thousands of dollars. Our team doesn't want to at all, but well nothing you can do.

But our beloved coach did something that gave us a choice. We can go on OT on a half-day for 4 hours or not. Coach is not forcing us to do OT if we don't want to. He's like my parents who don't force me to do what I don't want unless necessary. I chose to do rest day OT because and no, it's not because of one of my teammates (ok maybe it is one reason), but because I don't want to see the visitors we have at home who're staying in until Sunday.

Now that I am here in the office taking calls I regretted my decision. First, I think I took a risk of failing a survey by coming here on a weekend (and my coach goes into explosive mode when one of his agents fail). Second, our coach suddenly left because he had a stomachache, which left us at a loss if our schedule for next week has been changed or not. We had a bad schedule and most of us (including me) are late risers. Coming to work at 6am is not cute.

So I'm at a loss.

I got to work and everyone seems to be glum. Or at least that's how I feel. I was raving a bit calling the customer an asshole and got reprimanded by one of my teammates who is our oic.

Almost an hour before I leave. I hope this is worth the time I wasted here in the office. I only slept for 2 hours this afternoon and I feel tired. I just feel energetic because I am almost leaving.

what is with people today?!

Bad moods sure run in the group right now. It all started with a mandatory OT from the office since our service level sucks so badly that we're being fined thousands of dollars already. That's capitalism for you.

We didn't like mandatory OT's but we have no choice. Either we go to work on weekends or get fired. What a life.

Then our coach is in one of his explosive moods. Argh. What's new.

I'm in a bad mood myself because I am being dislocated from my room because of some stranger who is the brother of my mom's cousin or whoever (couldn't care less) and his wife (the bitch) are going to stay over for the next two days. Dammit! Can't they find somewhere else to stay?! Don't they know that our house is only good enough for 4 people?! IDIOTS.

I wish this month is over.

sadness

Has it ever occured to anyone who's interested why there are some people who are NOT that lucky when it comes to the matters of the heart? For instance, why do some always fall for someone knowing that you can't have him/her? If he/she is not taken, you're not his/her type at all or you're just stuck as friends.

I've had enough. I just want to give it up and live my life as is, without pain, without joy, without love, without meaning....

I don't want to waste my life and my tears on something I know I cannot even attain. But even if that's the case, the same feeling still persists regardless of the pain and the heartbreak that comes along with it.

A deep sense of sadness covers my heart, overwhelming and painful that it leaves me at a loss.

LUST

¹lust
Pronunciation: 'l&st
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English; akin to Old High German lust pleasure and perhaps to Latin lascivus wanton
1 obsolete a : PLEASURE, DELIGHT b : personal inclination : WISH
2 : usually intense or unbridled sexual desire : LASCIVIOUSNESS
3 a : an intense longing : CRAVING b : ENTHUSIASM, EAGERNESS

This is defined from http://www.webster.com and here's another one from Microsoft Encarta Dictionary Tools:

lust [lust]
n
1. sexual desire: the strong physical desire to have sex with somebody, usually without associated feelings of love or affection

2. eagerness: great eagerness or enthusiasm for something
* the lust for power

[Old English , “pleasure, desire.” Ultimately, from an Indo-European word meaning “to be eager,” which is also the ancestor of English lascivious.]

It is more blunt in the Encarta, but regardless where and how it's defined, lust is lust: an intense sexual craving for someone. Intense. Sexual. Painful. Craving. Scary. Very, very scary.

Especially if the object of your passion is just near you, yet so far. The feeling is so strong that you want to fuck him or be fucked silly. You watch him from afar and wonder how his hands would feel touching your body...wondering how his lips would feel on your own lips...wondering how his tongue would feel caressing your skin...wondering how his body would feel moving against yours...wondering how he would feel inside you...wondering if he would fulfill all your fantasies and give you ecstasy...wondering when after all the passion has been spent if you would still want him to do you until you scream for him to stop and when he stopped you wonder if you still have the yearning to scream for him to start all over...

And you're left with that...wondering. Because you know for a fact that this is not going to happen in real life. You're just in your own dream world with him as the center of your desires. Only in your deepest and darkest delusions would you ever experience sexual gratification. Then when you're done dreaming all you feel is sexual frustration because you know that deep in the recesses of your mind that you can't have him...not in the way you want to.

Intensity

It never occured to me that intense attraction could lead to intense pain. I mean it's obvious that I am in-love with a previous guy (and still is) but this new guy suddenly caught my attention that I suddenly forgot about him.

Jokes are half-meant right? It was my fault getting carried away by all the jokes I get within the team. It has a manner of worming its way to my heart. It is not helping that he is sweet and has a low booming voice, which are two of my weaknessess in a man. Reiterating, I got carried away.

A colleague of mine said that the reason why we're being teased is because we're both good sports. Him, I'd understand but me? I'm a sore loser or pikon in Filipino. But I just decided to ride along since they're just jokes right?

So how the hell did I ended up taking it seriously?

Has it been possible that I fell for him without knowing it? Gee, I think I just answered my own question. Scrap that.

It hurts real bad when you know that he is within reach but at the same time you know that he's too far. I vented out my hurt by blabbing out to Sparky my cat who just stared at me blankly. He must be wondering if his mistress had gone nuts. It was also the reason why I took my cat to bed with me when I took a nap this afternoon. I need a live version of a stuffed toy to comfort me (and bite me as well to show that my kitty loves me).

I woke up later in the evening feeling better and dressed in my most unusual (bleached denims) which made some notice on it. My coach said that bleached denims are not allowed (of course he was joking). His girlfriend also kidded me about it as well. But on my way to work I was feeling hurt and wondering on how to cope for the next few days with him around all the time.

Earlier and until now I can hear his voice across me and I can see him, which is such a torment believe me. I'm just making myself strong because I know that this is not going to work.

I'm sick and tired of one-sided attraction. It's not cute anymore. Is it too much to ask to have a man who would love me for who and inspite of who I am?! Is it too much to ask?! Is it too much to ask to at least have an intense two-way attraction, something that takes your breath away?!

Maybe if I stopped brooding about it, it would come on its own. As the zen saying goes...if you want something, stop wanting it.

You know, despite of my harsh tongue and cynical nature I am a hopeless romantic, which is quite a contrast if you ask me.

I need to enjoy my life, with or without a man. But I also want to share my life with a man. Does that make sense?

picture cutie

I found this picture in a tech forum and I liked it so much. Those who are in tech support (even if they're not) would prefectly understand this picture. This is so hilarious.

Something to think about

I went to McDonald's and bought an upgraded meal with an audio CD. I chose the Best Male since the Best Female and the Best Love has Jessica Simpson and I don't like her. The songs are marvelous and one track caught my attention. It's called "Meant to Live" by Switchfoot.

Why? It just reminded me of what I am undergoing through right now. I'm still a Level 1 agent and not sure what I would do beyond July. "Meant to Live" is something that makes me think about things.

Meant to Live
By: Switchfoot

Fumbling his confidence
And wond’ring why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he’s meant for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we’ve been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we’re bent and broken, broken

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live

nutcase

I must be insane when I applied for PS. But I did apply for that position and was interviewed this morning. I was being my usual wacky self but I hope that they won't think I am a violent (there was a question that they asked on how to deal with another PS who is causing the problem on the team and I answered that I'll just talk to the person since beating him up is not an option to which resulted them to laugh out loud) person.

The interview went well and it was funny most of the time, but I'm not sureif I would make it. My teammates were already teasing me about my new position (supposedly) and said not to say anything too soon. I hate to jinx it I guess.

If I become a PS that's one helluva an achievement in my career. If not, oh well. But I sure hope that I become one, a PS that is.

Who knows?

restoration

Ok so my coach is back to his usual insane self. Although he was blabbing about being strict and stuff (and he is) he is now back to his usual self. Looks like everything has been cleared out and fixed.

I was on leave when things were cleared out among us. But it was back to almost the way it used to.

Does that make sense?

supervisor-agent relationship: fragile

We all have our ups and downs in this company, but we have our team and our immediate supervisor to draw strength from, like one would do for a family. This kind of relationship is needed especially in a call center since our team is considered to be our family and our world.

So far we have been enjoying a wonderful relationship with our supervisor, like a friend and brother we never had (or if we do, like we missed). But sometimes, we end up crossing the line between work and personal life.

That is what had just happened yesterday. All because of a misunderstanding. Thanks to an absent-minded teammate and a personal crisis on our coach's part, just exploded. He left us in the middle of the shift and spent the rest of it brooding, I guess. Before he left, he all sent us an IM saying what a bunch of ingrates we are and we have the nerve to talk behind his back.

I was at a loss. I racked my head on what I've done now but I can't think of any. I know I've done some things that made him upset (like remarking carelessly that I wanted to be in another team) but at that time I had no idea what he was referring to.

It feels bad that it had to change this horribly. I wonder if everything would be back the way it used to?

What am I thinking? Of course not!

Ako si M16

I only saw the video of this once in MYX and it stuck on my head.

"Ako si M-16"
by junior kilat

Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite
Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite
Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite
Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite

..:..
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!

Ang akong mga bala, hastang pwerting baratoha
Ayaw lang katingala, kung supplier di magpaila
Ang akong mga bala, hastang pwerting baratoha
Ayaw lang katingala, kung supplier di magpaila

Buy-one take-one kung walay gyera
Presyo times two kung election o kudeta
Buy-one take-one kung walay gyera
Presyo times two kung election o kudeta

..:..
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!

Kini si M203, kini sa M203
Ang bala kusgan, kini si M203
Kini si M203, kini sa M203
Ang bala kusgan, kini si M203

Grenade launcher, dugangi lang dyes mil
Grenade launcher, dugangi lang dyes mil
Grenade launcher, dugangi lang dyes mil
Grenade launcher, dugangi lang dyes mil

..:..
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!

--Turntable Solo-
--Guitar Solo-

Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite
Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite
Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite
Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite

Ako si M16, Ako si M16, Ako si M16, M203, Ako si M16,
Ako si M16, Ako si M16, Ako si M16, M203, Ako si M16,
Ako si M16, Ako si M16, Ako si M16, M203, Ako si M16,
Ako si M16, Ako si M16, Ako si M16, M203, Ako si M16,

Bratatatatatatatatat

power of anger

I've always been told that I was born angry either by my relatives or my closest friends. I wonder if that is even true since I talk, act and move angrily. Maybe it is.

People think I am angry 24/7 but in reality, I'm not. Maybe I've been so mad for most of my whole life that it comes out naturally. My closest friends were already very much used to my mood swings and surges of rage but people who just met me are well, either scared or they go away or misunderstand me thinking that I'm mad at them, which most of the time I am not.

It is my habit to let out my anger since keeping them is painful, literally and figuratively. In my work, I am known as an irate agent, someone who gets really angry in the phone and has a tendency to pick a fight with a customer. In my former job, irate agents are the best ones. Even in my current job, even if I am an irate agent my perfomance is good if not great. My teammate remarked on that saying: "Irate na 'yan." When I've been consistently getting good scores.

For one thing this feeling has kept me strong for the past 8 years but it is getting tiring and I am not happy anymore. Not to mention that it is not fun to be alone because of snapping peoples' heads off.

I was promised by my coach here at work to be nicer on the phone since I always begin my day by yelling at the PC and cursing. In this case, maybe I'm tired of coming to work where you know that you're being made an ass of but still comes to work because you have to, not because you enjoy going to work.

I don't know what I would be like without my anger. When I think about it, I feel helpless and weak. But myabe I need to rely on my anger. It would kill me one day.

shit happens

Crab mentality is always there regardless of what culture you're on but this type of behavior is more prevalent in Filipinos and had it refined into a fine art.

This is defined as: if I can't have it, then you can't have it either. Since I'm so green with envy about your life, I'm going to make sure that you're going down...hard.

I think this is the reason why my new coach is going to quit his job. He is a good person and one of the most technologically-gifted people in the office. He never backs down from anything or anyone, maybe that's why he is perceived as arrogant. Maybe he is but if he has what it takes to be arrogant then he should be right?

He fights for his team and that is one thing I never saw with my previous supervisor. He is very strict but fair in his dealings with us. He's our dedicated PS, coach and friend. He's smart in a streetsmart kinda way and will shoulder our failures so that our career won't be affected. He's not that bad really, very blunt but at least he's being honest and does not talk bullshit.

But some people are scared of him and in Machievellian philosophy: when you fear, you hate. That's what happened in his case.

The bad thing is the entire team is involved in his problems. Management never hesitates to put anyone down regardless of who gets stepped on.

I hate for him to leave since he had done so much for us and it's scary if he does. Where do we go from here? Our team had been together since August of 2004 and that would be detroyed because the senior director and the PQA hates his guts.

Karma will come eventually but I wish they would just up and die. Then let them rot in hell.

getting to know me

01] First name: Maria
[02] Last name : Villacarlos
[03] Chinese name:huh?
[04] Nickname: Rei, Maria, Irate Agent, O Sarcastic One
[05] Gender: F
[06] Age: 25
[07] Birthday: 16th of feb
[08] Height: 5"6
[09] Hair color: Black
[10] Eye color: Brown
[11] Race: Asian
[12] Do you wear glasses/contacts: glasses
[13] Do you have braces: no
[14] Is your hair long or short: long
[15] Where were you born: Baguio City
[16] Current location: office
[17] Zodiac sign: Aquarius
[18] How many languages do u know: 2
[19] Nationality: Filipina
[20] Bad Habits: eating, losing temper as regularly as eating
[21] Piercings you have: 2 in one ear (by accident) and one on the other
[22] Piercings you want: none
[23] Tattoos you have: wala
[24] Tattoos you want: if ever? shoulder
[25] Today's date: 27th of April 2005
[26] The time: 8:31 pm

---SCHOOL LIFE---
[43] Are you still in school: nope
[44] Did you drop out: nope bait ko masyado
[45] Currently in: office
[46] Favorite grade: 85
[47] Least fav grade: 73
[48] Favorite teachers: Professor Praxedes Rosuman
[49] Least fav teacher: a lot especially the ones who blackmail you
[50] Favorite subjects: World History, Evolution, Genetics
[52] Do you buy lunch or bring it: both
[53] Play any sports on the school's team: nope
[54] Do you do any co-curricular activitiy: no
[55] Are you popular: in a good way or a bad way? neither
[56] Favourite dance: boogie
[57] Least fav dance:swing
[58] Favorite memories: anything regarding friends and family
[59] Least fav memories: ones that you'd rather forget
[60] Most humiliating moment: pag natatpilok sa kalye

--FAVOURITES--
[61] Number: 7
[63] Shoes: rubber shoes and sandals
[64] Phrases: Anak ng kalungkutan..
[65] TV shows: CSI: New York, Miami and the original CSI
[66] Sports: BAsketball thanks to slam dunk
[70] Magazine: Cosmopolitan Philippines
[71] Actor: Liam Neeson, Allan Rickman, Hayden Christensen
[72] Actress: Jodie Foster,
[73] Candy: bazooka bubblegum, XO Caramel
[74] Gum:juicy fruit
[75] Scent:fruity scents
[76] Choc Bar: Hershey's Cookies and cream
[77] Ice cream flavour: Ube
[79] Seasons:dry seson pag december na
[80] Holiday: New Year
[81] Brands: hand me downs hehehehe
[85] Types of music: vaires but mostly R&B
[86] Things in your room: radio, bed and table
[88] Radio station:Big FM (Baguio_
[89] TV channel:AXN, History Channel
[90] Food: pasta
[92] Store: depends
[94] Fast food: Chowking
[95] Restaurants: Teriyaki Boy!
[97] Songs: changes every mood
[98] Instrument:piano
[99] Person you love: real one or the illusion?
[100]What do you wanna say most now: I WANT A VACATION!!

inexplicable mood

I am in a very bad mood right now, torn between lashing out and crying. It began this morning when I am saying a term that I don't know. It's stupid, but well...so I'm very pissed off right now to the extent that I am thinking of requesting to be moved to another team.

Of course that is silly of me not to mention shallow but I already felt this way for quite someitme. They're good people I know but not the type of crowd I'm used to. I can ride along with the racy jokes and biting remarks but people have tolerance level and sometimes that runs out.

I'm too different, I felt that and I guess so do they. They call me morbid when I'm being sarcastic. I'm in an environment that has a black sense of humor? My sister has an even darker sense of humor (due to the risks involved in her job) and my father has the darkest even to the point of making jokes about my sister who was in the hospital due to malaria. But he meant well, he was trying his best to lighten things up because even he too was worried but did not want to join the bunch.

I have an ego the size of Asia, ok maybe that is not even the appropriate term but I am a very proud person. And I hate being made a fool out of.

One of these days I might ask to be moved to another team. But now is not the time. I've been in this team too long to give that up, they're the only people I know and even if I do move to another team that consists of the ones I am closed with, there would be changes. I learned the hard way that you can't go back to the way it used to be with the people you know and loved.

50-50

I was torn in two places on what I should choose: a new opportunity or a stable but painful situation. I did took that chance but I was left confused. I was asked if I can wait, I said yes. But when I left, I was mad at myself.

Maybe I did need to wait. Who knows? A lot can happen in three months.

contemplations of a woman torn

For the past weeks I have been thinking a lot and it involves my job most of the time. Mainly because I suddenly became lazy and demoralized or would demotivated be a better term? An opportunity presents itself and I took advantage of it. But that opportunity also involves risk of losing it. Then again, everything we do always involves risk.

Now I am almost there, but I need to think hard on this chance. Real hard.

Pope John Paul II (1920-2005)

I know this is not the usual my-workplace-sucks blog but I wanted to write something about the late Pope.

I don't know what to say. I mean I'm no CNN commentator or a New York Times journalist, just an ordinary adult Catholic. I saw him in the tv when I was 15. He visited the Philippines for the second time during World Youth Day. It was overwhelming to see him on TV how much more if in person?

I was sad and got caught in the hype when he was dying. He was already sick with Parkinson's disease and he is too weak to even sit up in the Easter Mass. We agreed at home that it was about time that he died because he's too sick. But I admire his fighting spirit as he was dying. He didn't want to go back to the hospital. Maybe he knew that his time has come.

I keep tabs with CNN and BBC World (local networks just suck big time) and when he did die, it was a shock and at the same time it isn't. He's too old and Parkinson's Disease aggravated him further, it's time to go. But it hurts. After all, he is the leader of the Catholic church (all 1 billion of 'em) and has guided us Catholics for the past 26 years of his life.

He is a champion of the poor and the oppressed, granted his views on birth control, abortion, communism, celibacy, women priests and homosexuality is debatable he still managed to unite all peoples of all religions (and all walks of life) in this planet of ours. I mean he is the first pope to visit a mosque, a synagogue and forgave his assassin. Unless all of these are just for a show. If that's the case then he's been playing this charade for 26 years, which I doubt.

Next to Mother Teresa, or rather St. Mother Teresa, the late pope is one of our role models. He is young and energetic and the charisma he possessed is irreplacable. It's going to be tough for the next pope to continue what Karol Wotyla has started. Good luck to him.

But let's also hope that the next pope would be not too traditional. The world is changing and so should the church.

Lenten Season: time to reflect

Sure I have to work during the first three days during the holy week but luckily for me, my day-off was on Maundy Thursday and Good Friday. My sister and I went to Baguio Cathedral not becuase we want to see the President of the Republic of the Philippines but to go to confession. It is the only church that caters to confession at night. Our parish church does not have confessions on Holy Thursdays.

My sister went there and there was no priest. So we decided to eat dinner at a fast food and stroll a little. When we got back to the church we saw a long line in the confessional booth. The bad thing is, there was only one priest! Anyway, to kill time, my sister and I exchanged stories about which one of us has a morbid sense of humor and about Religion. I'm sure the man behind us was annoyed for us being so noisy in church but was too polite to say so or he just ignored us.

I was able to confess but not my sister and she was so annoyed.

Good Friday was ok. I nearly fell asleep during the seven last words and I have to scracth myself to be awake. But before that we had stations of the cross my mind was thinking of what I have become and where I should be going and what goals to reach. For the past years I never made a definite goal or plans in my life because I never realize them. I planned to be a doctor but ended up in tech support. I planned to be a coach, I wasn't promoted.

But now I guess it's time to start setting goals huh? No wonder I never get anywhere.

Goals in life:

1. Get a job- done that
2. Get promoted- almost there but not quite
3. Get laid- not yet there, but wish was there
4. Get married and have kids- not yet found a man foolish enough to marry me
5. Die- obviously not yet since I'm still alive

Ok, ok, don't take those seriously since I was being sarcastic (again) about my plans in life. I'm still formulating my plans and goals in life along the way.

new coach...awkward situation...resolved

Recently, our old coach was transferred to another department called ABAY (no, not Ebay we're not a shopping site), which is an area where the newly-deployed trainees would be given a certain time period to adjust on the floor. You know to be ready if they get an idiotic customer or an extremely irate one, which made most of the not-so experienced agents cry or contemplate on resigning. So we got a new coach who had been through with so much hell, I wonder why he hasn't died yet.

Anyway, the new coach is ok and very technical. He is a nice guy (even took us out at Nevada Square for a drink after work) and easygoing, not to mentio giving basta 'wag lang abusuhin. Good right?

NOT! During the time at Nevada Square he told us the reason why he didn't want to be deployed in our team. The first reason would be confidential but the second one I don't mind exposing it. After all, this has something to do with me. It is because his ex-girlfriend is one of my friends since high school. So, it is understandable why this is awkward for both me and the new coach.

His ex might think that having me and him in the same office gives her the privelege to use me as their watchdog. No way! I am not a third party software or router that would connect two people who are obviously NOT meant for each other, whose union could mean disaster.

I told my friend to dump him since he's just screwing around but she refuses to do so. I called her martyr and stupid but she still refuses to leave him.

Stupidity or true love?

Anyway, I spoke to him last night and had a talk about that issue and luckily for us, we manage to fix it. He also felt the same way as I did and hated being hounded. After our talk, he instantly spoke to my friend since he came back a few seconds later, he told me that she was sorry.

Good.

Now I can be his subordinate without feeling awkward.

symptoms of falling in-love

For once I am not going to write something bad about the office. It gets boring eventually, making me look like a whiner or sounding like one.

Anyway, just like the rest of the Homo sapien I have feelings even if I try my best to deny that. Well, bursts of temper would count as emotions right? But falling in-love? I'm not sure if I feel that. Except lately.

I thought I experienced that feeling since I first met one of my friend's brothers during my freshman year, but it was just a long-term infatuation. I thought I fell for one of my classmates during my senior year in college yet I backed out since he is taken. We became friends though, which is much better.

Now here I am in my mid-20's, battling not to become obese but got past caring about it and feeling something but not sure if that is love or not. I met him from the moment I stepped into the office. The funny thing is, he was he one who introduced himself first and me, the ever charmless woman, just showed him my name tag since people have a tendency to pronounce my name wrong no matter how I try to corretc them (actually I don't bother).

We kinda hit it off and ended up being the husband and wife of a skit we had to present then. Of course I had to tell myself to stop dreaming and get real.

After that first meeting, we get to meet frequently since we are in the same office though not the same classroom. He is a charming, friendly and reliable man even quiet at times but he is so sweet, which is what is so attractive about him. One flaw I noticed is that he has a tendency to leave people when he sees someone he knows or maybe that's just me. At least he is not an asshole, thank goodness.

He is a handsome and tall man, which is great since I am a tall woman myself. Anyway, being called darling and sweetheart by this man has a way of letting my mind work on its own. In Filipino nadadala ako sa emosyon ko. It took so much self-control not to let my feelings get the better of me.

My feelings are on and off when it comes to him since I rarely see him around. We have different schedules and if we do see each other, it was brief. He always passes by our team's stations and just a hi from him is fine.

But first and foremost we are friends. I gave him a CD of Seal for his birthday and got a hug from him. He asked for when my birthday is and after telling him the date, he said he will keep it in mind. Well, my birthday's over and it's already March. But I don't want to be pushy.

Even if I told Ice that I love him, I'm not sure if I DO love him. Gets? Maybe I should acknowledge it. I am a 'fraidy cat when it comes to love even if I am an irate agent extraordiniare.

But with everything else...I leave it to God.

resignation

Joy just quit this morning. I should feel bad but me, along with the rest of the team (minus coach) were envious that she left ClientLogic. Good job, for her! Even if she is unemployed at least she is free.

Karen, one of our teammates, suggested to write one resgination letter and we sign all of our names on it. I remarked that it would be like signing for a petition. Imagine if one whole team decided to resign and abandon their coach. I find the idea hilarious, but wouldn't it be fun?

I wanted to quit but decided to stay after all, money is money despite the fact that I felt worse than a factory worker. At least they have a rest day.

post birthday

I just recently turned 25 during wednesday this week. I invited my teammates over at my house and it was fun. Of course since my teammates know what FUN is.

To mark off my 25th year in this lifetime, I had my hair cut since it is getting hot (summer na kaya), very dificult in drying my hair and I am getting tired of my long hair. Hopefully, this would be a new start for me.

I applied for coach and QA. My interview for the coaching position was finished (it was so sudden) and when I came out of the Senior Director's room I wanted to scream. I knew I screwed up big time and I am not expecting to ever become a coach because of that. I hated my answers and I wonder if the Senior Director and Operations manager found me very amusing.

As for the QA position, I plan to take the upcoming interview seriously.

Wish me luck!

Valentine's Day

By monday people all over the world would celebrate Valentine's Day. A day where we celebrate love. Or for me, a reminder on how alone I am.

FUNG in short...fun group

I am along with Ruby (a teammate of mine) are one of the members of a fun group in the office. A fun committee was made to liven things up in the center. I wonder if we even deserve to be in that group. Ruby is a quiet woman while I am too serious for words and always angry.

Russel is the coach in that team and this gay fella is one fun guy. Not to mention that he is wacky. But the problem is how to generate fun in the center when most people had already given up that concept? Most of my teammates were bitter and disillusioned about what is happening to them or to all of us. I don't blame 'em. I feel the same way as they do.

I was never involved in anything except my job and my writing. But committees? Forget it. But now I am. And for a serious person like I am this is a challenge for me.

Hope to have fun!

promotion

Just for kicks I decided to apply as a coach in training. I'm almost 7 months in the company (yay) and I thought to myself why not I mean it wouldn't hurt to try right? Besides I have my previous call center job as part of my qualification.

I already submitted my resume and internal job application form along with my coach's recommendation letter. Aside from me there were 4 more of my teammates who applied for the same position though the 4th one also planned to apply for a trainer.

Office politics is so hard to overcome (especially if sex is involved) and I wonder if I would be promoted without going through this bullshit. Oh well who knew?

But as they say in Japanese: gambatte yo!

HONESTY RULES!

For once I am going to write something positive about my life.

I lost my passbook as I was on my way to the bank. I was panicking and crying because my life's savings are in that passbook and I needed to withdraw a certain amount of money because I had to go to my OB-Gyne for a follow-up check-up and I might spend some mooney not only for the consultation fee, but also for the ultrasound (P550.00 at AMDC) and in case the same problem came up, medications. My cat Sparky, aproached me and stayed by my side but before you say how sweet he is, he left since he knows that he won't get any attention from a crying human female.

When my parents arrived, I told them what happened. I called the bank (at their suggestion) and told them to close the account and create a new one. So I rushed to the bank and had my passbook replaced with a new one. I went to the doctor and was informed by the receptionist that the doctor would arrive later in the afternoon and so would the sonologist (which arrived at 2:30p.m.). So I went home again.

As I was waiting for a jeepney or a taxi to arrive, a man in a blue jacket and jeans approached me. He is thin and has a moustache. He asked me if I was the one who has a bank passbook missing. I said yes and it turns out that he was the one who found the passbook. Good thing I asked the storekeeper at one of stores on the road (because the owner knows our family). The owner must have known this man so he told him that the passbook was mine. I ran back and claimed the passbook. The man said that even if there is money he would still return it. I am grateful but skeptical at what he said. But I thanked him for finding my passbook, though it won't be used since I already replaced it.

So there, honesty is the best policy and I got good karma.

certificates

I recevied three certificates of acheivement just this recently. It shows that I am doing a great job in the company. Hell, I even shook hands with one of the top officers from the acocunt itself. He is a handsome man and an American (what doy ou expect?). He sure draws a lot of attention from the ladies and gays (except me). But I got to admit, his hands are soft.

I just wish that I could eat those certificates or convert that to money. Though I did receive some money from him, but you'd think P800.00 cash pirze for having three 100% surveys would be enough. Some get 5 and got almost a P1,000.00 or more. Maybe I should work harder.

My seatmate, Imee, reeived a CSAT Idol certificate (I got two of these myself) and said that it is an insult to get one. Sarcastically speaking you get an indirect message saying: "Good job, girl, thank you for sacrificing your time, health, family and sanity." Which is what I have been doing for the past six months. Let's enumerate the sicknesses I had: asthma, hyperacidity (kasi nalilipasan ng gutom), eardrum infection, vertigo, migraine, sinusitis, allergies...though I had some of these sicknesses before I began working I didn't expect these to be occuring that frequently. Now my pillbox (not the bomb) is filled with painkillers (choose ibuprofen or mefenamic acid), chewable antacids (peppermint flavor) and vitamin C tablets from my brother in the US which smells like Tang orange juice.

How much more if I am married with kids? I don't want my son or daughter clinging to my leg when I tried to leave the house or telling me not to go to work, though that would be sweet of the kid. But either single or married, it is difficult to work in a call center.

Certificate of Achievement...I need more than that. Maybe a vacation?

down, down, down

I thought no one would notice. But Jibbs did and I really appreciate it. When all of your closest friends are in Manila and you're not sure if you get along with your teammates, it's not easy to confide to someone esepcially with someone like me who is constantly wary of people.

So anyway, Jibbs and I were eating lunch or breakfast and we were discussing the open forum with the team. Then she said that I look like someone who has the world on my shoulders. Even when I am being my usual irate agent I didn't look so miserable.

I told her some of my problems and she said that I would have to attend the open forum. I could do that except my stomach's rebelling against me and I am not sure. I wanted to quit but somethig is holding me back. Aside from regrets, I also have to think of my family. My tax code says Single but Head of the Family and I plan to become one (but in reality my sister IS the head of the family hahahaha).

If a job is making one miserable or if it's killing you, leave. This is an advice I got from both my mother and my cousin. I am already miserable (and angry) but I still stay.

Who knows?

open forum in the team

Jibbs (known as Joy in real life) sent me an SMS that they sppoke to our coach and raised some issues in the office. Coach said to come by at their house, have a free lunch and talk things out y'know have an open forum for the umpteenth time.

To be honest I have a lot to say with what is happening in this motherfucking office, with the management and my coach. But then what? Would there be changes on the office after we voice out our grievances?

Marj, another teammate of mine, and I had a chat in the service van (thanks to Mr. Patrick Dicang) on our way to work where it's supposed to be our day-off (new policy: we have a 5 hour mandatory rest day OT since we are so @!#$& understaffed). And found out the real reason why our schedules were resumed to the Blue Pumpkin. We enjoyed 2 weeks of block schedule because the site director (who is an asshole American) was on a leave. He came back and found out what had happened. He got angry and resumed it back to the blasted software.

So the crap that we are understaffed is not exactly false. We ARE understaffed. The rate of the resigning agents are much bigger than the rate of agents being hired.

Open forum. Again.

I replied to Jibbs's SMS and it goes like this: "Talaga lang. Sige punta ako." This shows that I'm in the borderline of being hopeful and being cynical.

Now here I am in the office taking calls and I have the next 2 1/4 hours to endure idiotic customers on the phone and also decide if I should go to the forum/lunch with the team. We only have one day-off and I am going to the bank to make my usual salary deposit. Plus I wanted to stay at home and rest, maybe do some laundry (I have a reall big load of laundry that rivals the Smokey Mountain..I am waiting for the new washing machine actually...heheheheh).

You want an honest opinion? I don't believe that voicing out our concerns would bear fruit. We just rant, rant, rant, but nothing happened. Going to DOLE would be the last resort but we need concrete evidence that we are being oppressed. Damn government!

Or just quit my job and go to a company that REALLY takes care of you.

for 2005

Something to look forward to in year 2005:

1. I turn 25 by next month, so I have five more years to look for a husband. Hahaha. I plan to get married at the age of 30 if in this age I haven't found a husband I will not get married at all. What's the point right? And there's single adoption.

2. I have just been regularized in Client Logic last week (January 12). Hah, like that's a big deal.

3. I might go to the States in case my sister (the one with the drooling baby) finds an empoloyer for me. Keep all of our fingers crossed! Who cares if I'm going to babysit a kid or be a housekeeper? I earn in dollars, stress, DOLLARS, how much is our forex huh?

4. Being promoted in work or not. Unless I sleep with one of the operations here, I'll be stuck as a level 1 technician FOREVER.

4. So far, that's it. Unless I put here getting a boyfriend as one of the things I look forward to this year. Now, that's a laugh.

ta-MOD

We have a team that monitors the queueing of calls, attendance and among other things and they're called MOD or Manager on Duty. They're the most despised and hated team in the entire center. Why?

Here are the reasons:
1. They ring our AVAYA's to make sure that we are not in aux whatever or just bumming around. Even when we have calls they still ring us. What rude bunch of people as in!

So di na namin kasalanan kung bakit pasaway kami minsan.

2. They make the lousiest of schedules and no thanks to that stupid Blue Pumpkin software the schedules are waayy screwed up! My schedule for the next week left my head spinning. I mean I don't have any problems going to work at midnight and at 11pm but on Saturday I would end up having a double punch schedule. I verified this with my coach and his girlfriend who is one of the MOD's because it looks like I won't get any day-off. What happened next made me want to run for my life. They were already fighting in front of me.

Hell, my whole schedule is so screwed up I wanted to quit my job (and I couldn't care less if coach plans to promote me to mentor...NOT! Who am I kidding!)

3. They're powertripping. They're worse than the operations managers and coaches combined.

4. If you call in for absence they would ask you if you could still go to work. What if you're dying of meningococcemia, can you still make it to work? Of course not because after 24 hours you're dead! To be honest death would be the most valid excuse MOD would accept if you called in for an absence.

5. They would ask you to do OT and if you don't they threatened to fire you. At least with one of my teammates but they're in good terms already, but what if this happened again and was not able to be in good terms? Enemy for life.

6. They will ask you to auto in while looming over your shoulder. That's fine but when they ask you to escalate the call because you've been on the phone for more than 25 minutes already...while this is fine, it can be annoying and I'll stress this: I HATE TO BE INTERRUPTED. I tend to get focused on a call and I don't want anyone looming behind me and telling me to escalate the call because I lose focus. Well, if I can resolve the issue but either the computer or the customer is too slow and the issue was resolved after 30 minutes because of that. That ain't my problem anymore.

7. They have no sympathy. We're practically starving to death and they don't allow us to take our breaks! So if we collapse in the middle of a call don't blame us.

8. I just plain hate them.

Ok that last one was spiteful but I am beginning to hate them. But not all of them are a bunch of bitches and assholes. I have a friend who is an MOD and I usually approach him (or her since he's gay) to ask about schedule and before we used to have lunch together. And the other one is a sorority sis of my sister but we hardly talk.

We make fun of them just to take the frustration out and we call them TA-MOD which is a twisted version of the word tamad or lazy in Filipino because this is how we see them.

One of these days, those sons of bitches would pay. Dearly.

boredom kills

Is it me or is the time here at work is slower than usual? My shift started at 12 midnight and it's only 2 am. I am currently on my first 30 minute break (thank goodness we have a quite long avail) eating ham sandwich in whole wheat bread. Hopefully I would take my other two breaks.

Now I just came back from lunch and it's already 6:05am Philippine time. I have four more hours before I get out of this office. It should be three more hours but I have a one hour mandatory OT stress on MANDATORY, and it ticks me off. On the bright side I'll be able to go to church and buy a Yellow Cab pizza for the family (I want Sbarro though) or for my sister (the one who had just malaria). But it would be really bright by the time I leave here and it would be HOT!

I am currently troubleshooting a customer who had just installed her modem. Oh well, this job has its perks and downs. And mostly there are more downs than perks. I want to be treated like a human being not a machine!

Still had the dilemma if I have to quit or not. I wanted to but I have no choice. Maybe I need to learn some valuable lessons here: patience and endurace for example. Both of these traits I lack. I easily get angry, impatient and frustrated. I want things to go MY way or else. Isn't that a crime? Everyone wants to have their own way right? And please if someone here disagrees with me, I'll call him/her hypocrite. I was expecting that my current job is better than the previous one but it isn't, it's much worse.

And real worse since we are undestaffed (the rate of employees resigning is greater than the rate of employees of being hired). So our schedule is so fucked up that I wonder if I'll still be alive by the time next week is over. Then there's the split shift by February and I don't want to begin there. But at least we have a ride when we get off the office at 12 midnight.

Good luck to me. May St. Barachiel watch over me while I punch the monitor. Y'know if my computer monitor has a face it would be badly bruised by now.

Oh well, this is what I get when I'm bored.

high-strung

I have reached my limit yesterday morning. While troubleshooting a no USB light, I ended up crying in frustration in the middle of the call. Oh it was not the customer I was mad at, in fact Ms. Janice Dixon is such a patient woman I feel like I would troubleshoot for her forever. But with everything that has happening to me. I have as I've said before, reached my limit.

I have become high-strung and extremely emotional. Even good calls don't make me feel better anymore. Is this the time to quit?

My mother said that if I wanted to do, it's ok with her. Heck, she wanted me to quit in the first place! I would love to really, but where would I go? It is not easy to look for a job these days especially since March is fast approaching. Ang hirap kaya makikompitensya sa mga bagong gradweyts. And I can't wait forever for my other sister to find me an employer in the US. What do I do?

I must be nuts to stay here as in this company. But what choice do I have? Unless I go back Manila and apply to other call centers there and I promised myself not to go back there unless I have to. Looks like I have to.

Manila may be a corrupt and sinful city but it is also a city filled with life.

Or maybe I should find a job that is NOT related to a call center job.

Or maybe I should get a life.

TRAPPED

Once again Client Logic has decided to make my life (and I guess the rest of my officemates) miserable. Forced to do one hour post-shift OT on the 16th (I chose the day) because we have visitors. Ka-plastikan na naman ito. We did the same thing at SVI Connect but we are allowed to get away with a few things. Coach approached me and said that there should be no food not anything else in the station. Even bags are not allowed. Well how the hell am I suppose to eat when I am hungry and in the middle of a call?!

I am beginning to lose my patience in this $#!%@ company and I might end up resigning before July of 2005. I keep on praying to God to help me endure this mess I am in. Please let me endure, as I keep on praying at night or in the morning. But I am losing it and to make things worse it is affecting my work.

I lose control, I lose my temper that at times I am snapping at my customers, coach and my co-workers. Either I need a one month vacation or a permanent leave.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

of all the days to work....

I am beginning to run out of patience in this company. Where do you see a 10-minute short break and a 30 minute lunch?! And who cares about the !@$&ng queue? We deserve a break not to be immersed into calls taking care of idiotic American cuistomers. Then what the hell and there is a 30 minute mandatory overtime?! With the history of unpaid overtimes it is no wonder no one wanted to take overtime and it would have to be forced down on our throats.

If I didn't need the money I would've quit a long time ago. But I do. Yet it does not mean that I'm going to subject myself to abuse just to earn money. I can bear anything but I'm no saint. I can't stand martyrdom but I am becoming one. Is this a lesson I have to learn in my life?

What this company is doing is already what you call an abuse to basic human rights you know the right to take a 15 minute break (NOT 10 minutes), the right to choose NOT to do overtime by force or have payroll disputes every 15th of the month, have a reasonable schedule, a sane management team and a company that takes care of you, a human being, not a robot. If they needed a robot they would have not hired us.

Coach said that we should be grateful that we have jobs and a call center one. I am grateful yes but I don't owe Client Logic Philippines anything.

Not even my life.

voluntary blackmail among other things

For the past few days this week, my coach sent me a YM saying that if we, the whole team, would want to volunteer for the split shit, er, shift schedule for the entire month. If our team does not volunteer, our schedule will be left in the hands of a software called Blue Pumpkin. This software is the worst investment the office made and it is responsible for screwing up our body clock.

And coach said this is a voluntary thing. Do I smell blackmail here? I sent a reply to coach saying so and he agreed. If the split shift is implemented, I would quit my job, but I didn't tell him that. I tried split shift before just for the heck of it and regeretted it instantly. It is more time-consuming, expensive and impractical. Ayoko ngang tumira sa opisina. I lasted for a week. The good thing about this is that I'm not as sleepy as I usually am.

What is with this company anyway? Who the %@#! do they think they are to control us employees?! Do they think that we have no other life outside the office? Of course we do and we work hard but not to the extent of starving ourselves to death. No wonder many are resigning.

I feel like crap right now. My officemates noticed that I'm too serious today and a little quiet. On my way here to the office I was thinking if I should quit or not. There is no problem with my job to be honest even if the customers are stupider than the Dumb and Dumber pair. The pay is fine and I'm not much into the money part (though an increase in salary would be great). The main problem is the management who thinks they're God and that they're infallible.

Policies are very unreasonable and there are times that we end up being starved to death because of large volume of calls. "You're doing a great job guys, but you can't take your lunch yet because we have 150 calls waiting." Bullshit.

By next week I am about to regularized and coach has showed me my scores and even if I have a bad temper they're quite good since he wants me and the rest of my teammates to be regularized. Good for us.

Konting tiis muna siguro.

pissed off 'till kingdom come

I am so irate right now. The first call I got was so annoying I was already formulating curses in my head. I was asking her about the operating system in her computer (that is just simple enough there are, so far, two kinds of operating system:windows and macintosh or Apple) and she doesn't know what the question was!

Actually this day was already ruined because of a family crisis at home. Or a family crisis to be which is centered on my sister who had just recovered from malaria. My parents had changed since my other sister from the US came and visited us. My father has become a big-time jerk and my mom has become paranoid about health to the extent of being a hypochondriac.

My sister and my mom are at odds because of her job. Mom has always been against my sister's job from the start she's not just saying anything except now after she got malaria. My mom wants her to quit her job and my sister does not want to. My dad's opinion is let her be, that's her choice so if she gets herself killed along the way why would he care?

So spent most of the day in my room thinking that one of these days I will run away from home. I'll do anything to escape even enter a loveless marriage. But marriage is not an escape route, it's just another way to imprison myself further.

I don't know, one of these days our house will be filled with shouts and harsh words.

verbal warning

I got a verbal warning for exceeding my first 15 minute break. Yes, yes finally I got my freaking break.

Even yesterday I exceeded my first 15. I am hungry and I eat slow, I know I shouldn't have eaten rice that early but based on experience I get less hungry if I eat on my first break.

I think subconsciously I am getting myself fired.

New Year and oppression

What a way to start a new year. I am soooooooooooo pissed off.

It's already 3:11 in the morning and I haven't taken my first 15 minute break. Damn qeue! Why are there so many idiotic Americans calling on New Year's Day (though it's January 2 here in the Philippines)?! I mean they had nothing to do with what I am feeling right now.

I already sent several YM's to my coach asking for me to take my 1st 15 minute break. But either nauunahan ako ng mga kasamahan ko or I am in the middle of a long call. I am already in my nth call (I know that would be less than 10 calls but I couldn't give a flying fuck about it) and I wanted to cry and eat my computer. I am frustrated, hungry, and angry and they're expecting me to be enthusiastic?! Papatayin naman kami ng putang inang kumpanyang ito sa gutom eh.

Why am I not surprised many are resigning?

Then I heard a rumor that there would be an anti-resignation campaing being spread around the office. Putsa naman pati ba naman ang karapatan mong mag-resign eh ipagkakait nila. Magpatayan na lang kaya kami?!

One of these days I will end up collapsing from exhaustion. And I know this is morbid of me pero sana I would collapse from exhaustion and stress where everyone can see it.

Then what?